Ambivalence & Relapse: Are here for the ride 🚗

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💡 Ambivalence & Relapse

Two unspoken aspects of behaviour change are ambivalence and relapse. That's right feeling conflicted and falling off the wagon are distinct phases of change. Let me explain. Behaviour change has six key stages: Pre-contemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action, Maintenance, and you guessed it Relapse.

Let's walk through an example to make this a little less dry; Meet John, who wants to start running regularly.

John's Running Adventure:

1. Pre-contemplation: John's not even thinking about running yet. He knows he should move more, but hey, the couch is pretty comfy!

2. Contemplation: John starts wondering, "Maybe I should get off this couch?" But then he thinks, "Ugh, what if it rains? Or my knee acts up? Do I even have time for this?" That back-and-forth? That's ambivalence, and it's totally normal (we will come back to that in a minute).

3. Preparation: John decides to give it a shot. New shoes? Check. Cool running app? Downloaded. Goal set? Yep, three runs a week. He's nervous but excited!

4. Action: John hits the pavement. For a few weeks, he's feeling pretty good about himself. Go, John!

5. Maintenance: Fast forward a couple of months, and running's become John's thing. It's part of his routine now. High five, John!

6. Relapse: Uh-oh. Life gets crazy busy, and John misses a few runs. He's feeling a bit down about it, now what?

Exploring Ambivalence

You know that feeling when you're like, "I should do this... but [enter reason why not]?" That contemplation is your brain stuck at a crossroads. Part of you wants to go left but the other wants to go right.

Here's the good news: ambivalence is totally normal. It's not a sign of weakness or lack of motivation; it's your brain weighing the pros and cons of moving out of your comfort zone.

You might worry about failing, not having enough time, or that change will be too uncomfortable, and that's okay. The key is not to get stuck here frozen in indecision but to work through the ambivalence; to peek under the hood and see what's going on.

Here are a few ideas to explore:

1. Find your "why" – What makes this change important to you? More energy? Feeling awesome in your favourite jeans? Keep that reason close! It's easy to stay where you're at so there better be a compelling reason to change.

2. Balance the books – ambivalence comes from conflicting values. Wanting to eat healthier but also not wanting to miss out on social events is a conflict. How might you address that? Can you find a way to appease both?

3. Talk it out – Sometimes chatting with a buddy or a coach can help sort out those mixed feelings simply by getting them out of your head.

   
   

Overcoming relapse.

After weeks or even months of progress, relapse can feel like a punch to the gut. You slip back into old habits and think, "Here we go again—I've blown it." But relapse is part of the process. It doesn't mean you've failed; it's a natural stage in long-term change.

Sucks to hear I know but you can't be perfect forever you will eventually miss a meal, a run and/or a workout. Chances are you will miss more than a few!

Relapse can happen for multiple reasons; maybe like John, you stop because of work stress and a crazy schedule. The key is not to dwell too much on the setbacks. Some progress might be lost; true but it's often quickly regained and you're wiser for it.

How to handle relapse:

1. Don't panic – Relapse doesn't erase all the progress you've made. It's just a temporary slip-up, not a permanent setback unless you choose it to be.

2. Learn from it – Ask yourself what caused the relapse. Was it stress? Lack of time? Preparation? This is a chance to adjust and do things differently next time. Will you make this same mistake again? Probable. Will you make new ones? For sure but that's part of the revolving circle of behaviour change.

3. Restart small – Don't try to jump back in full force right away. Ease back into your routine with small, manageable steps. If you used to run for 30 minutes, maybe start with 15 this time and build back up.

   
   

Summery.

Here's the deal: change isn't a straight shot from A to B. It's more like a fun, wiggly line with some loops and curves. Feeling unsure or hitting a bump in the road? That's all part of the process! Understanding these stages can help you stay positive, keep things in perspective, and keep moving forward. You've got this.

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P.S. If you enjoyed this week's Thursday Three, please share it with a friend.

Thanks,

Jamie